Swing Set Chain
by ACE329
Summary: Yuugi reflects on his last few years and finds difficulty in coming to terms with himself after the departure of the ancient Pharaoh he had befriended.


Swing set Chain

Written by: ACE329

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-gi-oh!

Summary: Yuugi reflects back on his last few years and finds difficulty in coming to terms with himself after the departure of the ancient Pharaoh he had befriended.

Author's Note: Yup, we've got a little bit of a bromance going on here, but it's really not that bad. Promise. I figure if kids' shows can talk about gay people, then why can't we?

Swing set Chain 

It was autumn. It was around the time of year when the leaves, clustered on tree branches, were at their peak color, exploding with vibrant crimsons, golds, and sunset oranges. Every gentle gust of wind threatened the leaves' connection with the branches, which were soon to be bare within mere weeks. One by one, leaves would rain down from above, making disheveled piles on the once barren ground.

The afternoon sun enjoyed less time to stretch out its rays each day. As winter crept up ever so certainly, the sun's comforting warmth graced its lands much less frequently. But those fleeting moments when the sun came out in all its glory, uninhibited, everything its light touched looked absolutely dazzling, almost surreal.

At a local park, the pond that resided at the heart of it sparkled like sapphires as the occasional ripples from fish made the blue reveal many more vibrant shades beneath the surface.

The color of the pond was turquoise, Yuugi decided. There was definitely some green in there, too.

While most people would attest to the pond's beauty, Yuugi couldn't help but notice how the water's color was, well, fake. Perhaps the dye was supposed to conceal the pond's true color, which was likely to be an off-brown. Who wanted to look at a brown pond?

Regardless, there was something about a dyed pond that made Yuugi appreciate it far less. Was that unrealistic of him?

The 17-year-old was sitting on a park bench as these thoughts lazily floated through his cloudy mind. Lately, he had been experiencing trouble with keeping his thoughts on more serious matters.

_College? What is college? Is it some kind of art project? Oh, and applications are involved? Sounds boring. Who needs to do that? Me? Well, maybe later…_

_Grades are important, you say? Really. I had no clue. So that math exam I bombed the other day wasn't a good thing. I would study, but you see, my mind kind of has these 'holes' in it, which cause all knowledge gained to drain out..._

_Oh yes, I remember dueling. It's a swordfight, isn't it? To the death…no, thank you._

Actually, now that Yuugi thought about it, he hadn't dueled-the _card game_, that is- since, well, since last week. Which was groundbreaking, considering that a day could hardly go by without Yuugi practically itching to play his favorite, and most beloved, game.

Yuugi remembered when Jounouchi challenged him to a duel the other day. And, as if the apocalypse was descending upon everyone's very eyes, he had said _no_. No, he did not want to get out of his mind-numbing slump, thank you very much. He would much rather just sit and stare off into space. And more importantly, to be left alone. Jounouchi was not thrilled with this. Hell, no one was.

_Yuugi, what is _wrong_ with you? _Everyone had asked Yuugi this, at least twice. Even Kaiba. Yuugi's not dueling anymore? What, did his brain simply run off to a deserted island and decide to camp out there? But people needed to understand, things were different now. Yuugi couldn't duel even if he tried. The spark was no longer there. What was the point in trying to play again anyway? It just wasn't the same.

And _screw_ the "heart of the cards." It was nothing more than a complete and utter lie. _Guess what kiddies, it's called luck. Some of you have it, but most of you don't. Sorry._

Yuugi was increasingly becoming a fan of nonchalance. Why analyze every nanosecond when you can just stroll through life with your eyes closed? It made everything so much more palatable. It was like transforming a heaping dose of cough syrup into Kool-Aid.

Which reminded Yuugi, he was thirsty. And hungry. When was the last time he ate? It was 3 o' clock. Did he have breakfast? No, now that he thought about it. He woke up nauseous in the morning, as usual, for the past several days. He couldn't stop throwing up.

He had been doing that a lot lately. And how embarrassing it was to feel an unexpected twist in the stomach in the middle of class! Recently, he had to excuse himself from the classroom at least once a day. Teachers were undoubtedly getting impatient, that much was for sure. His friends, however, were much more sympathetic.

"Yuugi, are you sure you're alright? You can tell me anything," Jounouchi had declared gallantly on more than one occasion, despite Yuugi's persistent denial.

"Seriously, dude, either man up, or spill," Honda (perhaps less kindly) probed, "You can't leave us in the dark forever."

Even Anzu, who had sunken into a sort of depression recently, tried to cheer Yuugi up. "It's alright if you don't want to tell us what's wrong. But we will always be here if you need us…" Yuugi remembered her smile, still beautiful but haunted. If he hadn't known her so well, he wouldn't have noticed the almost indistinct strain on the corners of her mouth that indicated her effort to appear exuberant as always.

She was in pain. How could it be so obvious to Yuugi, yet completely undetected by the whole world? The same world that didn't mind that the park's pond was dyed a fake blue. Maybe it wasn't so hard to believe after all.

Yuugi knew why Anzu wasn't herself anymore. It was the same reason that Yuugi struggled to find enough energy to carry throughout each arduous day, the very reason why dueling seemed like a distant dream, and why he couldn't remember how to smile and mean it.

Someone who had grown alarmingly close to their hearts had been ripped away from them, without more than a sorry excuse for a goodbye. Quicker than either of them could say, "Wait!" he was gone, like a sandcastle being swept up by a merciless tide. True, he knew it would happen, it _had_ to, but why did he still feel so slighted, as if the world was playing a cruel joke on him?

Anzu must have felt the same way. She kept on saying, with hot angry tears threatening to cascade through her long lashes each time, "He hardly looked back! If I didn't call out his name, would he have even turned? What were we to him? Pawns in his…_game_ to be released from this world?"

Yuugi desperately wanted to argue, to defend his partner who had been accused of such a seemingly heinous act. He really did. But how _strongly_ he agreed with Anzu-!

The truth of the matter was, the Pharaoh, who was the topic of discussion, did not look back. At least until Anzu begged him to reconsider his actions. But that wasn't the point. Once defeated in the ceremonial duel, he simply turned to his future tomb, ready to go. Without even the slightest hesitation. How could he be so…_insensitive_ to everyone's feelings? To Yuugi's? Didn't the past two years he spent with Yuugi, literally 24/7, mean anything at all? The mind that they shared- was it an obligation that the Pharaoh acted kind to him? Everything said and done…was it all a lie, only a means of getting the Pharaoh that much closer to his destination?

Yuugi often wondered, even questioned, the happenings of the day when his partner, no, Atem, departed this-

There it was again. That sickening lurch in his stomach. Yuugi's arms flung around his frail waist as he doubled over. He grimaced as his eyes squeezed shut. He felt a cold sweat breakout on his forehead. He was pretty sure his already pale skin had managed to grow even whiter through the duration of his cringing.

_Fight it….fight it…I just need to concentrate on breathing._

Yuugi spent the next minute articulating his breathing pattern, refusing to let his mind wander off to anything else. He just couldn't handle that right now. Yuugi wanted so desperately to fight the urge to vomit. He already was a social pariah, did he really need people to be afraid that he might get sick on them?

In the end, the convulsions in his stomach were unable to be controlled any longer. Yuugi unsteadily rose as he turned into a bunch of nearby bushes and heaved. How could he possibly be throwing up when there was nothing in his stomach? Yuugi decided not to linger on the thought as his stomach finally settled down.

Yuugi knew what the culprit to his unruly stomach was. It was painfully obvious. But at that moment, he just couldn't gather enough willpower to face it.

After straightening himself out and warily looking around to see if anyone had witnessed his humiliation, which thankfully no one had, Yuugi decided to go for a walk. There was no way he could remain still. The change in scenery would keep his mind occupied. It worked before, didn't it? Yuugi had been contemplating the falsity of the pond for _ten minutes_. That was a long time, considering his mind refused to obey his wishes and lingered on subjects Yuugi would rather have disappear.

So Yuugi forced himself to think of something, anything, to keep his brain occupied.

_The leaves look beautiful…why can't they stay that way all year long? And how do they get that color anyway? How do you get from green to red, or orange, or yellow…? It makes no sense at all, though I bet Anzu would know why……  
It's kind of getting cold now. I should have brought a jacket.  
I think I have a history test tomorrow but I'm not sure. Oh well. Better be sorry than safe! Or is it the other way around…?  
…I wonder how _he_ would feel if he saw me this way._

Yuugi's fists involuntarily clenched as he cursed himself for his lack of control. Didn't he make a truce with himself to stop thinking about certain _things_, specifically one person?

There was a movie that Yuugi had watched about a year ago. Anzu, ever the collector of movies, even American ones, had come across an unusual film called "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." It was plain weird. Anzu had a knack for finding the "unconventional" ones, according to her. If a movie fell right into the mold from other movies already made, then what was the point of watching it? You could pretty much guess the ending, anyway. But with this movie, although it had Jim Carrey in it, whom Yuugi felt overacted most of his roles, it presented an issue that Yuugi couldn't quite forget. And with Yuugi, who allegedly had holes in his mind, it was pretty easy for him to do.

Specifically, if you could literally _erase_ someone from your mind, would you? What an interesting situation. In the movie, the two main characters opted to erase one another from their minds. As a couple, they were disgusted with the way one another had changed, or were they perhaps just sick of each others' true selves? It could have been a little bit of both. But eventually, both realize that what they had done was one big mistake. Of course there was going to be an ugly side to a relationship, but it is when you choose to stick through those tough times that truly make a bond unbreakable.

So those two characters both regretted their decision to erase memories from their mind, but would Yuugi? What if you were in extreme pain? And you were pretty sure that the pain would never go away just because of one person?

"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." Yuugi had difficulty understanding what the title meant before he watched the movie, but afterward, like the pieces of a puzzle finally snapping into place, he understood: when someone's mind is empty from all memory, particularly painful memories, he or she will always be in a constant state of contentment. Because the dark memories, the ones that keep a person insomniatic at night, are what weigh one's mind down. As long as those memories don't exist, only the pleasant thoughts can be taken in. Hence, "eternal sunshine." It brought a whole new meaning to ignorance is bliss.

Yuugi never really forgot about that strange movie. It made him think. If he had the chance, would he himself choose to erase…_him_ from his mind? It could never happen, of course. But Yuugi often wondered what he would do if such a scenario was a possibility.

One thing was certain- how carefree his mind would be! How liberated! Perhaps completely naïve still, but how _happy_!

Or, would he be? Yuugi would certainly not be the same person that he was in the present. He would be much different. Perhaps more shy, insecure and unstable. He didn't have any friends before he assembled the millennium puzzle. But the spirit inside that puzzle- he refused to conjure up his name at the moment for his stomach's sake- granted his wish for companionship and presented Yuugi with all the true friendship he could ever wish for. The spirit even presented himself to Yuugi as a friend. No, it was even better, even _deeper_ than that…

Absentmindedly, Yuugi reached for the puzzle that used to hang around his neck, only to have his fingers grasp air in its place.

Yuugi felt his insides clench in a spasm of uncontrolled pain once more. He fought back another impulse to purge himself.

This had to stop happening! He could _not_ keep going through life, wincing and cowering every time his thoughts and actions betrayed his will!

Grinding his teeth, Yuugi inhaled sharply as he forced himself to keep walking down the worn down dirt path in front of him.

Why did it hurt so much? This pain…Yuugi hadn't experienced anything like it. Even when he had stumbled upon a swarm of angry bees when he was little, this kind of pain hurt far more. The stings that plagued Yuugi's body when he was only six may have burned like hell's fire, but at least it was only temporary. The pain Yuugi felt now, as he was sure, could last for an eternity.

But really, how much more could Yuugi endure?

Yuugi warily eyed a playground to the right of the trail he had been walking, or perhaps dragging his feet, on. How long had it been since he had last gone to a playground? Yuugi ravaged through his mind, finally opting for sometime in the middle of the fourth grade. He loved the swings. What kids didn't want to see how far they could go? Yuugi remembered swinging for long periods of time, even _hours_ if his grandpa allowed him, and would always try to see if his feet could touch the sky. Of course, they never did, but for some odd reason, he always thought it was possible. How laughable the thought was now. But back then, didn't he believe _anything_ was possible? Slowly however, the world would seem less bright as each year passed him.

That one day in the fourth grade, Yuugi had been on the swings, as usual, during his recess. He never really had too many friends, at least not anyone who was willing to spend time with him during recess or lunch, so often opted to continue trying to reach the sky on the swings. It was such a sunny day, and the wind was perfect for encouraging the highest distance with swinging. So of course, going on the swings had been a popular choice among the kids that day. Luckily Yuugi was fast for his age, so when the bell rang out through the hallways signifying it was break time, he dashed for the familiar playground, claiming one of six spots on the swing set. Desperate children soon followed suit, racing to claim the other five. By the time they reached their destination however, little Yuugi was already gaining momentum with each swing, reaching higher and higher to the cloudless blue sky above.

It was unfortunate, really, that a much larger kid wanted to have his turn on the swings. And wasn't it only natural that he would pick on the smallest, scrawniest kid? Little Yuugi was hardly a threat. Only a measly four feet accompanied by a large set of doe eyes, he was more like a joke.

"Hey you," the indignant boy had shouted to Yuugi, "You're in my spot."

Yuugi glanced down from his perched up location and shouted back good-naturedly, "Was here first! You should wait your turn." He proceeded with his swinging, staring at the tips of his worn sneakers. Could they really touch the sky?

"I already waited five seconds. That's long enough if you ask me! Now get off before I make you."

Yuugi tilted his head slightly to one side as his violet eyes traced their way back to the kid. "Well how are you gonna do that? I'm way up here."

"I'm serious! I'm gonna count to three, an' you better be off that swing, punk!" The kid looked pretty angry. Yuugi had no clue why. Couldn't he just wait his turn? Or maybe ask nicely? Grandpa always said that a "please" and "thank you" could do wonders.

Aside from the kid's complete disregard with manners, it still surprised Yuugi when, quite unexpectedly despite the warning, the kid latched onto one of Yuugi's ankles and yanked him to the ground. Just like that. The wind was knocked out of Yuugi and he even sprained his wrist, but more than anything, he was more hurt by the fact that maybe the sky was impossible to reach after all. You never knew who was going to pull you down.

After that day, Yuugi decided that maybe the swings weren't as great as he had once thought.

Yuugi now stared at the rusted old swing set before him as he recalled his childhood memory. The swings gently swayed in the wind inviting him to come over. They looked lonely. When was the last time someone came here to enjoy the playground? No one came here anymore. At least, not anybody with children. The park had experienced a lot of crime lately, planting fear into many hearts that fretted for their safety, or the safety of their children.

But Yuugi didn't care. True, he was still what Jounouchi jokingly called a "runt" but what was the big bad criminal going to do? Steal the whopping two thousand yen in his pocket? If the criminal was really that desperate, Yuugi would not only give him the money, he would write him a check. Maybe he (or she-Yuugi didn't want to discriminate) was hungry.

"_You can be absolutely reckless in your own way, do you realize that, Aibou?"_ The memory of…of _Atem_ saying those words was thrust into the front of Yuugi's mind, forcing him to cringe. _He_ had mentioned this after the duel Yuugi had with Jounouchi, about a year ago, when his mind was literally possessed by Malik. What a disaster that was. Not only did both Yuugi and Jounouchi almost die, he endangered the safety of his precious millennium puzzle as well. The very puzzle that contained the spirit who had chastised Yuugi for refusing his help. But what could Yuugi say? Jounouchi was _his_ friend, and he wanted to prove that he was strong enough to save him. There was no reason for the spirit to get involved.

The memory was only a fuzzed out image in Yuugi's mind as he recalled it. Was it really that long ago?

But if Yuugi was so desperate to prove his strength and willpower before the presence of the millennium puzzle, why couldn't he do it now?

_Because he isn't here. _

Yuugi uneasily clutched onto himself, realizing his thoughts were heading painfully close to what he deemed as the "danger zone." Soon he would probably have to force back the tremors in his agonized stomach.

This really had to stop. Why couldn't he allow himself to even think about him? He felt like the spirit who had once resided in his puzzle was like Lord Voldemort from the Harry Potter series; as of right now, the spirit was pretty close to being labeled "He Who Must Not Be Named." But how fitting. Until the spirit had learned his name, was he not referred to as the "Nameless Pharaoh"? It was pretty close.

It wasn't fair, though. Yuugi really liked the spirit's name. It used to make Yuugi feel at ease, at least in knowing that his partner was finally discovering his lost identity. If the spirit was happy, then that definitely made Yuugi happy too.

Yuugi realized that he was still staring at the playground before him. He finally settled on heading over to the swing set. Even if someone did stumble across him in this ghost town of a park, did he even look that much like a teenager? His childish appearance made it somewhat forgivable that someone his age was indulging in juvenile activities.

Yuugi carefully parked himself onto the rubber seat that gave way to his weight. He couldn't help but smile, thinking how grateful he was that the swing was made of rubber, and not wood. Those kind of hurt.

Gently, very gently, Yuugi's legs kicked the dirt ground below to jumpstart his swaying. As he went back and forth, he felt the wind that whipped past him, each gust thrusting back his golden bangs. It was nice, being able to concentrate on what he was physically feeling as opposed to internally. For the time being, it was much better that way.

Yuugi allowed his body to go on autopilot as he simply felt the calming rocking motions of the swing. There was no need to reach the sky. Just only to not touch the ground.

And Yuugi stayed that way for a very long time. He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he didn't seem to care. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, and he had finished most of his homework the previous day. What better way could he spend his time than to not think? Yuugi closed his eyes, leaning his head against the chain of the swing. It was cool from the autumn air, which contrasted nicely with the flush of Yuugi's cheeks. Each link was sturdy, and Yuugi had no doubts about his safety, even when he closed his eyes…he was so secure in fact, that he began to drift into a light slumber.

Yuugi wasn't entirely asleep, yet he experienced an almost dreamlike phenomenon. He could still hear the distant _squeeeeak_ of the swing's chains rubbing against the sturdy pole that held them up. He could even feel the wind that greeted him every time his swing rushed forward. Yuugi felt like a pendulum, swaying to and fro in an uncompromising rhythmic pattern.

But something was very different. As Yuugi glanced downward, his eyes burned with the sharp glare of pure gold. He was sitting on a large smooth surface of gold, as opposed to the worn comfort of a rubber swing. And the chains that Yuugi held on to, they were much thicker in size. Not to mention, they looked like they were welded from genuine silver.

Yuugi felt his heart rise up to his throat. It couldn't be. What he was sitting on seemed all too familiar…

As it turned out, Yuugi was right. Instead of sitting on a swing, he was resting on the top of his millennium puzzle, the flat side serving as his seat. His hands were clutched onto the very chains that used to embrace Yuugi's neck, the very chains that connected Yuugi to the pyramid-like artifact. He was swinging on a large millennium puzzle. The golden pyramid glowed in the sunlight, reflecting its rays into hundreds of different directions.

Despite the irrationality of the situation, Yuugi wasn't in a complete state of panic. The dreamy haze that he was in wouldn't allow him to contemplate the details, such as how the millennium puzzle got as big as his grandpa's car, or how it was literally floating in the air. In fact, Yuugi's state of mind wouldn't allow him to really think _at all_, or to even move. It was as if Yuugi was glued in his spot.

Yuugi was swinging at a comfortable pace. But how? He certainly wasn't doing the moving. Suddenly Yuugi noticed a shadow on the ground, and it certainly was not his. Although, judging from the shadow, it did look remarkably similar to Yuugi's. Which was strange, considering that no one really had the same hair as Yuugi.

Except for one other person.

There _was_ someone behind him, someone who was lightly pushing the swing to move forward. Yuugi felt a hand that would momentarily press into his back, right between his shoulder blades. It was a very gentle touch, practically nonexistent. But it was still there.

Yuugi recognized that touch. He didn't even need to see the hand that was helping him swing.

Yuugi could practically hear his heart hammering in his ears.

"A-Atem…?" Yuugi choked out, disbelieving. Resolving to confirm the impossible, Yuugi whipped his head to the side to catch a look, even a glimpse, of his once beloved partner. He just needed to see his face, even for just a second…

And then Yuugi's eyes snapped open. Yuugi had apparently stopped swinging moments ago when he had temporarily lost consciousness.

But what about his dream? Yuugi was almost convinced it had been reality. And then Yuugi realized: he was a second away from seeing the one face that had been robbed from him.

Realizing what had happened, and where he really was, Yuugi instantaneously broke out into tears. It felt strange, finally allowing his tears to fall after an entire week of suppressing the monsoon that wanted to escape him. But he could control it no longer. Almost seeing his partner's face was too much.

Great, heaving sobs began to well up inside of him, which wasted no time in exploding from within Yuugi's thin frame as each convulsion shook his entire body. The swing he sat on was shuddering with Yuugi, like a boat caught in the middle of a raging storm that endured massive waves that struck it. His entire body instinctively began to curl up, with his lean arms being the only support to hold him steady. His sobbing was even more uncontrollable than the spasms in Yuugi's stomach that had plagued him earlier.

Yuugi hadn't cried since the day _he_ had left everyone for the afterlife. The words _he_ had told Yuugi that day were still burned in his mind: _"If I were you I wouldn't be crying, Aibou."_ Yuugi wanted so badly to make him proud, to prove he really was stronger than what he had been before he met the spirit. But it looked like that it didn't take much to revive Yuugi's embarrassing habit to start crying whenever emotionally overwhelmed.

Wasn't this different though? Didn't this qualify as something other than petty? Yuugi wasn't exactly crying over being picked on at school, or failing a test. He was literally mourning the _death_ of his partner…his other half. He didn't care that _he_ insisted it was a "new life" beyond this world, he was gone, damn it, and that meant death in Yuugi's book!

What was the point in avoiding his name? The water already broke through the dam when he dreamt saying it, which was pretty close to the real thing. It sure felt real. He had to endure hearing-and saying- his name eventually. So he needed to at least try.

"Atem-" Yuugi sputtered, as he immediately crumpled up in reaction to saying the name and tried to hold back his cries of anguish. It was no use. He cried for a good five minutes before he finally managed to control himself.

It couldn't possibly be normal, reacting the way Yuugi had. Who burst into raging tears at the mere mention of a name?

"I'm sorry…" Yuugi whispered, truly remorseful at his immaturity, his childish ways. If Atem was watching him, he surely would be disgusted. "I'm trying so hard right now, but no matter what I do, I'm a failure."

Yuugi tilted his head up to the sky, letting his final tears roll down his cheeks. He was addressing the sky, somehow believing it would help Atem hear him better. If he was even listening, that is.

Suddenly, Yuugi clasped his hands together. He had an idea. He remembered that when one addresses God, or even the dead, one was supposed to put his or her hands together in order to pray. Or was it just God you were supposed to do that to…?

It didn't matter. If it helped Yuugi somehow reach Atem even a little bit, he was willing to try it.

"I'm not sure how this is supposed to work..." Yuugi began uneasily as he sniffed back his concluding tears, "but if you can hear me, please, would you mind listening?" Yuugi had no clue what he was doing. He had no idea _why_ exactly he was talking to air. But he was willing to try to communicate to his former partner, no matter how foolish he looked. It sure was a good thing that the park was essentially vacant.

"This past week has been really hard on me. You know, since you left. I can't even bring myself to say your _name_, Atem," Yuugi cringed at this, "…but I'm working on it. But it's not really because I want to forget you. Please believe me, that's not it at all. I'm just…having trouble coping with your absence, and it…_hurts_ whenever I think of you. There's a hole inside of me, an empty spot where you used to be. I often wonder, is that hole ever going to disappear? It probably won't, but I'm hoping that eventually I'll be at least able to function." Yuugi paused at this, biting his lip in thought. "You know, like being able to graduate, have a social life, or maybe speak of you in a conversation without wanting to puke. And it might be nice if I could manage to eat something." Yuugi looked down at his body and thought of what Atem would have said.

"Yeah, I realize I've lost a lot of weight. And there wasn't much to lose to begin with, but whatever pounds I had from eating hamburgers, those are all gone! I mean, what's the point? I've been having trouble keeping my food down, and I don't want to waste good food."

Yuugi paused and considered his words. "This isn't much of a prayer, is it? Sorry. It's easy to pretend you're actually here, talking to me. At least, I'd like to think that you're here, or maybe even listening to me? I'm not sure if I'm just wasting my time or yours," Yuugi hesitated then amended, "well, _do_ you have time to worry about up there? I wonder if it's possible to get bored. You know, in this afterlife and all. I hope you're happy and comfortable wherever you are. Well, as if it could be _uncomfortable_ when you're dead…I'm rambling again, aren't I?"

Yuugi broke his gaze away from the sky as he closed his eyes. He wearily rested his forehead against the swing's chain again. He wanted to pretend that Atem was right behind him, pushing his swing like he had in his dream, but decided against it, in fear of reacting out of so much grief again.

"Can I try again? Mou hitori no boku." The words sounded strange when they rolled off Yuugi's tongue. After all, before Atem left, he had told Yuugi words that stabbed him like a dull serrated knife.

"_No, I am not your other half any more. There is only one Yuugi and that's you." _Yuugi knew those were meant to be words of encouragement, but really, it was the last thing that he wanted to hear. "But you _complete_ me!" Yuugi had wanted to scream at his partner that day.

"…Maybe I should just call you Atem. I know you don't like to be called my other half. That must be degrading to you, isn't it? You were once a successful Pharaoh, and what am I? A high school kid who can barely get by with his grades? I understand now why you didn't want to be my other half. It's okay. You had every right to correct me last week…" Yuugi bit the inside of his cheek, to distract himself from the wave of pain that crashed over him. Deep down, he knew that wasn't Atem's line of reasoning at all. He could imagine Atem vehemently denying Yuugi's words: _"You know that's not true Aibou, I couldn't have asked for a better companion! You shouldn't doubt yourself so often."_

It was scary how quick to mind Atem's responses came to Yuugi. Did that make him susceptible to schizophrenia? Maybe it wasn't normal to practically _hear_ Atem's words inside of his head. But then again, was he ever really normal?

"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to talk to you only to be critical of your actions or to be bitter. I really just want to let my feelings out. So even if you can't hear me, it makes me feel better to just…let everything go. It's hard to keep such strong feelings buried inside of me, you know? I always figured you of anyone would understand, because you have the strongest composure I've ever seen. How must that feel, to bury all of your feelings in your heart without having a single soul know about it? Have I ever even seen you act…_raw_ with your emotions? I feel like, even when you show anger, or sadness, you still try so hard to hold back everything. That must come with being raised as a pharaoh, right? You must have been shocked when you first met me then, because I acted anything but composed! But you were such a patient person, Atem, so I'm not surprised you didn't show any contempt or bewilderment towards me." Yuugi's eyes glistened affectionately. "See? I'm working on my vocabulary. Bewilderment. You always told me to find more words to communicate because it'll help me get my point across better."

Yuugi noticed that the sun was already setting. He still had no clue what time it was, but he began to feel a mild sense of urgency, wanting to get home before his grandpa got worried. And before it got dark, the prime time for criminals to snap into action. Yuugi wasn't even close to expressing what he needed to say though! What if the sky grew pitch black and he still wasn't done with his prayer? Or at least something like one.

"Forgive me if I don't get around to saying everything that I need to. I feel like this is our real goodbye, the one you wouldn't allow me last week. Well, even if you're not here, I'd still like to think that you kind of are in a way." Yuugi observed how the sun very slowly crept downward, almost so subtle one wouldn't notice if he didn't bother to look. It was sneaky like that. One moment there's light then a few minutes later, it vanishes. The sun was currently peeking through the trees, casting long shadows on the ground. If the sun had a personality, judging from the way it still managed to sparkle, even though its time was almost over, he would wager that it was smiling encouragingly.

"If you wouldn't mind, I want to ask you something. Which is ironic because of course you can't answer me. But I need to get this off my chest. Why _didn't_ you want to turn around when you left for the afterlife? You know, to look at everyone one last time. After you got me to shut up from crying," Yuugi blushed guiltily at this, "you just got up and started to leave. If Anzu hadn't told you to wait, would you have? It bothers her too, you know. And I'm sure everyone else. It's like you didn't even care enough to say goodbye-" Yuugi didn't know why, but tears he thought were done being shed worked their way out of Yuugi's violet eyes again, smoothly gliding down his pale cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Yuugi managed to choke out through the quiet sobs that escaped his chest. "I promised you I'd be stronger than this."

As Yuugi's head was bowed, he felt the wind gently brush away his tears. The cool air felt like caressing hands to his warm face. Yuugi closed his eyes once more, imagining Atem's hands in place of the wind that consoled him. He could just see Atem, gently taking his thumb and whisking away his tears. He could see those eyes, those deep crimson eyes with flecks of violet and gold, darkening in concern. If his eyes were a season, Yuugi decided, they would be autumn. He could even envision the crease Atem often sported between his brows whenever he was unhappy. Was he unhappy because of Yuugi? Was Yuugi's pain his pain as well?

Yuugi finally opened his eyes, refusing to let his mind put more agonizing pictures in front of him. Why did the images appear so strongly? It was pure torture. True, Yuugi loved to look at Atem's face again- which he had been unable to imagine for the past week- but it wasn't _real_.

Was it?

It was scary to think how easily reality and the imagination blended together in Yuugi's mind. Where did one stop and the other begin? Yuugi pushed aside his disturbing thoughts as he decided to continue with his prayer.

"…I'm better now. If I don't hurry this up it's gonna be nightfall! This isn't turning out how I had planned." Yuugi was now laughing at this, although he wasn't sure why. Actually, the idea of walking home alone at night still terrified him despite the fact he had nothing to lose. No money, no credit cards, no identification- he didn't really bring much with him. Yuugi had initially planned to be outside for no longer than an hour, maybe two. And so what if he got jumped by someone who only wanted to take away lives? He could have that, too.

"_Aibou…"_ Yuugi could hear in his mind. That disapproving tone, the one he often heard from Atem when he said something "reckless," had sprung up quite unexpectedly in his mind. Wow, he was pretty good at pretending, wasn't he? He was just so accurate with what Atem would have said. Although, was it really that hard to do? They only shared a mind for a couple years.

"Um, so, maybe you can't answer my question," Yuugi decided to continue. "You know, why you wanted to leave us so badly. I didn't- I still don't- understand your hurry to go. I suppose being trapped here for over 3,000 years is enough to make anyone desperate to move on. It's just that…didn't we mean anything more to you? As Anzu had asked, _were_ we just pawns to get you where you needed to be? I mean, if it's true, I just wanted to let you know that I forgive you and I understand. You were a Pharaoh after all, and if me and my friends were back in your time, we'd be just commoners. Well, 'cept Kaiba I bet." Yuugi almost smiled at this, although his heart was aching as he said it. So badly he wanted to be seen as something more in Atem's eyes. Was that selfish of him?

"_You were- are- worth more to me than all the treasures I possessed in Egypt. Every person I befriended here was invaluable." _Oh, it was Yuugi's imagined voice again.

It was a strong possibility that Yuugi was schizophrenic. Or, he was having grief-induced hallucinations. And if so, then fine. He would gladly play along with it if it meant he could have a conversation with Atem, albeit imaginary.

"Then why didn't you even look back?" Yuugi asked out loud, in spite of himself. His hands clutched tightly onto the chains that resided by his sides.

"_It would have done more harm than good. Lingering where I no longer belonged would only add to everyone's pain. And my own, Aibou." _His voice, it was mellow and as smooth as silk. His voice was the embodiment of music.

"You were _wrong_, mou hitori no boku! You ended up hurting _everyone_ who thought you cared about them! Why would you do that to them? To me?" Yuugi easily forgot he was actually talking to air. Or that he had planned to only address Atem through praying. But he was quite comfortable with pulling out the "crazy" card and rolling along with whatever he was actually hearing in his mind. Besides, it gave him a chance to say whatever he failed to the afternoon his partner left.

The air around Yuugi was still. Silent, as if calculating. Occasionally he would notice the faint rustle of leaves, but he failed to hear a response.

Right when Yuugi began to second-guess himself, laugh at his ridiculous actions, he heard the familiar voice of his other half.

"…_Even Pharaohs make mistakes, Aibou." _

Yuugi blinked in surprise. "You…you are actually admitting this?" All right, he would still play along. He was enjoying what scraps of a conversation he could get from his hyperactive mind. But really, that voice sounded so accurate, and so _clear_. Could Yuugi really just imagine this?

"_If I had felt it unnecessary I would not have said it. But I feel you must know that I had no intention of hurting you, or anyone else." _

Despite Yuugi's genuinely desolate mood, he couldn't help but feel a weight being freed from his chest. He let out a breath of air. "I think…that's all I really needed to hear. That you did still care about me." What was he, nuts? This wasn't _real_, it couldn't be!

"_Aibou, I _do_ still care about you."_

How could this be happening? Despite the confusion, Yuugi couldn't help but have his lips curve up into a small smile as Atem's words sunk into his mind. Atem cared about him. He _was_ sorry for leaving him! Yuugi felt slightly guilty for taking pleasure in the fact his partner admitted to making a mistake. It just made him seem all the more…tangible. Human.

But again, was it real?

Yuugi decided to take the leap and really express what he had been meaning to say the whole time. "Mou hitori no boku…you realize that I miss you, right? A lot. Every day since you've been gone has been empty for me. This entire week…have I felt anything other than pain? I'm not sure. But I just want you to come back. Here, " Yuugi placed the palm of his left hand against his heart, "Right here. Why do I feel like half of my soul has been ripped away from me?" Upon saying his final word, Yuugi's voice suddenly faltered into an unexpected whimper. Right when he thought he had a strong grip on his emotional stability. Yuugi so desperately wanted his tears to _stop_. It made him feel like a child all over again.

"_Please, dry your tears," _That same deep voice coaxed,_ "I know how you must be feeling. But understand, Aibou, that although you can no longer see me, I am always here. In the wind, the sun, the rain…and nothing has changed, you see, because I am still by your side. And I promise you that I always will be."_

"But that's not enough!" Yuugi finally exclaimed, ignoring his usual tendency to censor his words, "It's never enough. Even when you were here, I still craved…" Yuugi's cheeks flushed against his pale skin. Screw it. He was probably never going to hear from Atem again. Hell, this may not have been even _real._ He might as well tell him what he had been dying inside to say for too long. "I still craved _more_. I…want to be able to _touch _you, mou hitori no boku. I want to know what you feel like. I've often wondered if you had ever been tangible at some point because to me, it just seems like a distant dream-you know, if I were to hold out my hand, could you ever take it? I've always imagined how it would feel to just have you hold me when I needed you the most. But I can never have that, can I?" There was a dull aching in Yuugi's heart, one that he was completely familiar with. It was longing. He had tried his best to suppress it while Atem still graced his presence, but the moment he left, Yuugi couldn't help but mourn for never being able to satiate that very longing that plagued him.

What was he saying? Atem didn't need to hear this. The profession of love that Yuugi had finally confessed must be meaningless to him. Verbal garbage. Yuugi rushed into his next words, ashamed of every syllable that had poured from his lips earlier. "I'm sorry. I am a stupid, selfish boy. I know I must disgust you. I'm so-"

"_No more apologies, Aibou."_ It was the first time the "voice" had cut Yuugi off from his sentence. _"Do you truly believe that I hadn't the slightest idea of how you had felt about me? We shared the same mind." _

Yuugi bowed his head in shame. He knew he shouldn't have said a word. Why was he so foolish, so weak-minded? If only he knew how to keep his feelings suppressed and forget about them…

However, there was a rebellion that was taking place in Yuugi's heart.

Yuugi couldn't help but recall back to the day Atem had permanently left. Wasn't this the same line of reasoning Yuugi had used, the very same that prevented him from revealing his true feelings for the Pharaoh? He was so terrified of rejection, of being let down, that he never allowed himself the chance to ease the burden off his shoulders in revealing that there was a bond _deeper_ than friendship that he shared with his partner.

And it was time for Yuugi relieve himself of that burden.

"Don't you understand? Don't you get it? _I love you_, mou hitori no boku!" Yuugi finally cried out, with hot tears welling up in his eyes once more. Yuugi's words had escaped from his mouth before he could call them back.

If Atem responded to Yuugi's confession with rejection, then so be it. But at least Yuugi had the comfort in knowing that he had his chance, that at least he didn't fail to act due to cowardice. He would accept his fate either way.

"_And I love you,"_ came the simple response from the honey-sweet voice. Just like that.

Yuugi's trembling ceased. He wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. He was not expecting such an honest reply.

"R-really?" His cheeks were still burning red, mortified by the compulsive revealing of his feelings.

He heard the faintest chuckle, reminding Yuugi of the sweetest chords of a ringing bell. _"Yes, Aibou, really. Always."_

There was a sense of calm that had finally washed over Yuugi. He wasn't sure _why_, because he knew that it didn't matter what words were shared, Atem would never magically materialize before his eyes, and yet, for some reason, it was enough. It was enough that the pure love that Yuugi had tried to stifle for too long was mutual. The person who he knew was his one and only loved him back. That knowledge alone was enough to finally dull the consistent aching in Yuugi's heart.

"Thank you…for feeling the same way," Yuugi finally managed to whisper. He at last experienced a sense of peace, at least one that would last him until he would see Atem next. Which was perhaps in another life.

"_It appears we share the same thoughts, Soul Mate." _

Yuugi jumped at this, taken aback. "What did you just call me?"

"_Soul Mate," _Atem's voice purred._ "They exist, Aibou. And you're mine." _

Yuugi felt as if his heart was literally jumping rope, or perhaps doing some crazy Double Dutch stunt. "B-but how do you…?"

"_Life makes a lot more sense once you are no longer living it. You learn things up here." _

Yuugi was still struggling to settle down his heart. "So what does that mean?"

"_It means that we will definitely meet again, Aibou. We are meant to." _

They were soul mates. And they were destined to be together. Yuugi, a small-town ordinary (well, maybe not) teenager, and Atem, an ancient, god-like Pharaoh. Two people from completely different worlds, and yet they were _supposed_ to be a part of one another's lives.

"It's strange…but I believe it. And I'm relieved." It was all Yuugi could think to say. Sometimes the least amount of words is the most effective.

"Can I ask you something?" Yuugi was calculating how he would construct his words.

"_Yes." _

"How am I able to talk to you? I get it now, I'm not imagining this. This all seems too surreal to me, but I know it's reality. But what I mean to say is, can I continue to talk to you after this? Like if I pray?" Finally resolving that his conversation with Atem was very much real, Yuugi desperately hoped for another time to hear his partner's voice again. Hopefully it would be soon? If it meant praying then heck, Yuugi would do it all the time!

There was a silence. But it appeared to be a silence in contemplation, one that allowed thoughts to be presented in the least offensive way.

"_No, Aibou, that will not be possible." _Atem's tone was remorseful but unyielding.

The high that Yuugi had been experiencing before, even though he knew deep down that he and Atem were meant to be together, finally came crashing to the ground.

"But…why?" It was all Yuugi could think of saying. He deeply wished he was more articulate. Couldn't he properly express the sorrow in his heart without seeming like he was a toddler?

"_I was granted access to this world once more for a purpose. And it's only for a very limited time. I trust that you know why I am here?"_

Granted. Atem was _granted_ permission. It sounded strange as Yuugi let the words sink into his brain. Atem wasn't the one who took orders, he gave them!

"You're here because you wanted me to stop acting like a big baby," Yuugi sighed as he used his shoe to scratch a mark into the dusty ground.

"_Grief is a perfectly acceptable emotion to express. I can only tell you how sorry I am that I am the root to your pain. But Yuugi, I am here to help give you closure." _

Atem rarely addressed Yuugi by his real name. But Yuugi liked it better when he was called "Aibou." It was his nickname, and his alone. Besides, it sounded like Atem was chastising him whenever he said Yuugi's name.

And the word "closure" sounded so final, so definite. As in "the end." Did it mean that Yuugi had to stop his grieving until he took it to the grave?

"You…you can't expect me to forget about you just because you answered some of my questions. It doesn't stop the aching in my chest to see you." Yuugi closed his eyes, trying to envision Atem's utopian face as he spoke. "Every day, every _second_ that goes by, I will be wondering when I will get to return to you. How can you expect me to carry on life with only half a heart?" Yuugi really wanted to know.

"_I never asked you to forget about me. I just ask that you _live_, Aibou, live because you know that you can. Be happy. At least try. You have many friends who are trying to reach out to you, and lately you have been shutting them out. Don't let go of those friendships on my behalf. Please, carry through your life as best as you can. And of course, live it to its fullest. If not for your own closure, then for mine." _

Yuugi's lip trembled. It wasn't fair. Once he was finally allowed to hear Atem's remedial voice, he was going to leave just like that? It was like last week. He would have to suffer another goodbye.

Only Yuugi knew it was different this time. He finally said everything that he never had the courage to tell Atem before. And he finally confirmed the obvious- that he would in fact see Atem again. But still, did it have to hurt so much? Yuugi had to wait an entire lifetime until he could finally get his prize. That prize being, of course, an eternity with Atem.

…It was a fair enough bargain, Yuugi supposed.

At last Yuugi nodded his head. "Okay. Yes."

The silence that greeted Yuugi implied that more elaboration was needed.

Yuugi couldn't help but smile. "I mean, I understand what you're trying to tell me. And I get it. I promise you that I'll try my hardest to live like how you want me to. I'll start dueling again. I'll study hard. I'll hang out with my friends."

Yuugi stared at the blood red sun, which was nearly hidden behind the horizon. "And I know that some days are gonna be harder than others to get by. But for the both of us, I'll try." Yuugi decided a lifetime of action was more palatable than one of solitude and depression. It would be a waste, Yuugi felt, to always choose to sit behind the scenes simply due to the hole that would remain in his heart until he was six feet under.

"_Thank you Aibou. It relieves me to no end that you will carry on like how I had intended. I only want you to be happy." _

"Well let's not get carried away," Yuugi pointed out. "Baby steps, alright?" Trying to function in life was one thing. Being happy was another. At least for now.

"_Agreed." _It was a simple response, but Yuugi didn't mind. He just wanted to enjoy every second he could while still hearing Atem's soothing voice, or at least in knowing that he was in the spirit's presence. The two opted to remain silent for a few moments, taking in the setting sun.

"So what now?" Yuugi finally asked quietly. He wanted to know how much time he had left to be with his other half.

"_When the sun's rays no longer touch the ground, my time here is over." _

Atem's response came to Yuugi like a bullet through the heart. But that was so soon! It couldn't possibly be more than five minutes!

Yuugi felt his tears begging to be released again. But Yuugi didn't want to leave Atem crying again like the last time. He wanted to give his pharaoh a proper goodbye.

Regardless, Yuugi lowered his head in sorrow. Would it be too much to ask that those five precious minutes be extended to ten? Or even to see, to really _see_, Atem's beautiful face…?

Yuugi felt the swing he had been sitting on for so long gently sway, back and forth. He was not the one making it move. Rather, he was being pushed, just like in his dream.

It was as if Atem was really there, really behind him, pushing the swing for Yuugi. It was such a gentle touch, barely even there, but Yuugi swore he could feel it. Back and forth, back and forth.

As Yuugi swung in silence, he observed the sun's rays shrinking ever so slowly. His time with Atem was almost up.

Fighting back his tears, Yuugi clutched onto the chains that supported him. He struggled to take control of his voice, searching desperately for his composure. "Mou hitori no boku. Atem. I mean this more than I can ever express…" Yuugi's lip trembled as he swallowed back his tears, "I love you more than my life." Because he had already expressed his feelings before, Yuugi felt a sense of urgency to repeat himself as much as possible until his time with Atem was over.

Yuugi's heart fluttered in terror as he saw the rays that were cast upon the ground ceaselessly shrinking. They were practically nonexistent now.

Yuugi felt the wind pick up again as it tousled his bangs. As it brushed past him, he felt an inexplicable pressure against his face, washing over his forehead, his cheeks, his lips. It soothed him, knowing that Atem's delicate kisses were being communicated through the wind's soft breeze. Yuugi tilted his head slightly upwards, imagining Atem's smooth jaw line inclining as well so they could meet in a goodbye kiss. He could practically feel Atem's warm breath brushing his lips, so different from the cool autumn air. So this is what it might have felt like. It was good enough for now, until….

"_Aibou."_ The rich deep voice that had accompanied Yuugi throughout the entire surreal afternoon had finally spoken up again. _"I will be waiting for you."_ As these words floated around in Yuugi's numb mind, the wind whistled through the air in more powerful gusts, signifying that Atem's time was up. The sun was completely hidden from view, except for the tiniest glint of golden light which still managed to glitter its way past the trees.

And then Yuugi finally saw him. Right before his astonished eyes, stood Atem's spirit, glowing as brilliantly as the sun. The very outline that traced the spirit's body contrasted sharply with the darkening light, yet it seemed to be aglow from the sun's final bursts of radiance. Yuugi could barely make out Atem's body, but what stood out more than the stars in the sky were his eyes. His beautiful, glowing, vibrant eyes. They were the embodiment of liquid rubies. And amethysts. And gold. They sparkled so brightly! Against the contrast of his pure white form, Yuugi's breath was stolen away from the absolute magnificence that graced his presence. How could one's soul be so beautiful?

Atem's very appearance put Yuugi into a dream-like trance. From that point on, all he could remember was one glowing hand raise up to his face to give it one final, loving caress. And then he was gone.

Yuugi finally snapped out of the spell he had fallen into when only the darkness greeted him. It became significantly colder too. Or maybe it had happened so gradually, Yuugi only noticed it when he no longer had Atem to talk to?

It was a chilling thought. There was no longer the possibility of Atem coming in for a surprise mind raid. Yuugi had already reached "closure," and he knew it. Atem had fulfilled his purpose, and he was never to be seen again for the rest of Yuugi's life.

But Yuugi knew he could not think of the situation in that way. No, it was far too depressing. He would never get over his misery if he only dwelled on the worst facets to the story.

The truth was, Yuugi _would_ see Atem again eventually. And that was all he needed to know. As long as there was another time, Yuugi would gladly adhere to his promise and continue on with living.

Their love was eternal. It would last with each passing year, as generations exceed more generations. More durable than the chains that held up the swing Yuugi rested on, and stronger than the promise of another day.

With that in mind, Yuugi finally rose. It felt strange, standing after sitting for so long, but it was a good feeling as he stretched out his legs. As he stretched, he realized how hungry he was. It must have been a very long time since he had last had an appetite, and Yuugi was glad to have it back.

So Yuugi resolved to satiate his appetite. He was going to go to the nearest hamburger joint, order all his money's worth of hamburgers to go, and take it to Anzu's house to eat it there. Maybe they would call over Jounouchi and Honda, too. And maybe they could pick up even more food! Yuugi intended to eat, and eat, and eat, until he was completely full.

And then, of course, Yuugi was going to tell his friends that everything was going to be all right. 


End file.
